January 2012
4 posts
2 tags
Unfinished Thought #1
Everyone says how lucky he must be
but everyone just wants what they can’t have
grass is greener
also the color of envy
the cliché-ness of this feeling
is a Flava Flav clock around my neck
2 tags
Hello
Anger: unaware of it’s origin,
no documentation of it’s
conception, no recollection
of how it “got here”
Anger: drink tea in
the ran of January, hydrate
your eyes by staring
up into the sky with hungry
irises mimicking turkeys
Anger: drown:
yourself or myself
one self will feel it’s
lungs fill
.
5 tags
Farewells on the Thrifty shuttle: Logan Int'l...
Hazel - a lighter shade than the
hazelnut dessert we shared last
night which I had to wait an
extra 10 minutes for. Although
this allowed me to catch the
Giants score (and final Giants
touchdown catch) yet again, leaving
any question of comeback to
the Lambeau attendees answered:
Not Gonna Happen Cheeseheads.
Hazel - your self-described eye
color. I always imagined the color
to be a...
Impossible, beat the saint
My mother cried when I was drafted.
The tears wet her cheeks and
wet my apetite to fight
for Diocletian.
Scared and proud I bent and snapped
to the will of the empire.
As I left the Po River Valley
I knew it would never be seen again
by me. I’d been transplanted
to Rome.
The transition was hard, as they all are.
Cut into shape, fit to be in the army;
regrets died, I was whitled away....
December 2011
6 posts
Tendrils of discontent, distinct
against pink scar tissue,
press throbbing veins
shut. “None
shall pass.” This too shall
pass. I too
shall pass.
False Alarm
I cried myself to sleep last night. At my desk, in my office, I have
cried everyday for the past few weeks. Every day requires more
energy to keep each fragile piece of D. Joseph together. When
a fragment comes lose I forget where it originally went. I hastily
glue it wherever most convenient - other pieces have begun to shift:
I only have some many fingers, my wingspan is finite, there are...
Give
I say my life is a vacation
I got the tan to prove it
life been burning me
don’t got the lotion to soothe it
but it’s all relative
and my relatives
from north of the border
are used to being colder
so my skin is fairer
and I am aware of
weaknesses passed unto me
got my mind chewing over
leaving this reality
if my life is a vacation
why do I want to vacate this station...
The 10th + 2
I am in the brad pitts
in need of ed norton anit-virus
wanna be carved from wood
by a blind man
on an Alabama gulf coast porch
wanna pick people out my teeth
pick people out
in my mind
snipe out of sight
with a quip
shovelfuls of shame
soil of doubt
pile up the graves
make a name
fasting
always be hungry
always running forward
looking back, looking up looking ahead
never...
you can look at me all
you want but
you might not like what
you see read me like a pamphlet handed outside a phone store
instead of a text book in a junior high spit your gum in one
doodle in the other read neither need neither
both end up in the trash their words trickling
down your ear lobes linger as icicles
both authors think “oh no”
“shouldn’t have gone...
Aquaphobia
Sipping
Vacation on the ocean
Gamble on the river
Gulping
Face my irrational fears
with irrational actions
Head first
Lash out
40 days
Biblical measurements of time
40 nights
Think in movie titles
So easy
To drift
So easy to lose my buoyancy
So easy
So easy
I should drift to sleep
instead
I’ll drift to sea …
So easy
November 2011
8 posts
2 tags
Habit
Wishing
Hoping
Both bad habits.
Useful stopgaps perhaps.
But not significant for long-term
return on investment. Why is a habit broken? Is a
habit a solid? Is a habit a physical constant? I envision
the Great Wall of China or the Berlin Wall: powerful symbols with
functional/logistical elements which have now been reduced to tourist
attractions and museum collection fodder.
When...
I
I am convinced
I don’t have a soul
I don’t have control
Bright Eyes
At the bottom of every glass
There is a little more clarity
Apparently this is still how I think
Looking through the dregs to find what stinks
As I sink in the doubts my pet storm cloud is shitting on my scalp
Destructive dandruff
I ain’t got it rough
But rough is relative
For real I tried
For real I died
For real I murdered my shadow
I drowned every week
So why I neck deep in...
2 tags
I Thought / My Thought / I Think / My Thoughts
Tried to fill a hole by filling
holes, but it was just a
waste.
All it did was give my mouth
a foul after taste.
Thought fucking around would
reach around my sadness
all the strangers just added to
the madness and the anger
of being a stranger in my own
skin. Where to begin? Lay
back and take back everything
I said. I changed my mind I
just want some head.
Sleeping with VPs trying...
I Don't Want to Fall Asleep Without You
I don’t
I don’t
2 tags
This cab is so quiet (I have to take a shit (A...
What can a person say beyond I love you? How can I ask that question without sounding idiotic, desperate and foolish? How can I let everyone know my love is founded in logic? But is it? Is it my love?
I would like to start over, not our relationship, but rather this thought. My feelings for you brimmed over, they still do. I thought finally telling you “I love you” would satiate this desire to...
2 tags
The Galloping Ghost
This morning I saw a photo of Red Grange, the Galloping Ghost, one of the original NFL super stars. The black and white photo shows Grange making a cut away from defenders at the line of scrimmage. A referee trails in the background wearing muted colors, not the zebra stripes we are used to today, and a newsboy cap on his head. The crowd in the stands are faded and fuzzy, almost as if there is fog...
2 tags
Apple Season
We hid
because we could.
We held
hands in the dark.
We held
each other under blankets
in your
surging air conditioning
in my
surging insecurities
I think
struggling is not the answer.
I want
the turmoil to pass over
but no
blood on brushes just my constant hushes
to my
inner thoughts
to my
id
I hid
from the fact that I’m a cheater.
I mean
I have been historically.
I...
October 2011
6 posts
2 tags
You've Passed
The most wonderful and horrible feeling
used to be felt used
to be seen at
the bottom of a brown
squat glass bottle - spiritual
at the mouth, pathetic
by the end.
Now the most wonderful and horrible feeling
is experienced in a goodbye embrace,
not a “see ya when I see ya” hug, but
rather “I am going to do everything
I can, but you never know” appropriately...
2 tags
Mouth Plastic/Bag Plastic/Mouth Bag
Mask it: the frustration of a teenager’s legs with a child’s memory of body mechanics.
Pretend: brick of secretion is the result of an upper respiratory infection instead of gnashing of soft, chemically treated human teeth, a bike chain attempting to catch on, latch on to first gear.
Beaten, not bored, D. Joseph sits, types, contemplates, commiserates with his sorry self. So easily...
Bite
Im a fucking leader
and it is hard to bite my tongue
Im patient
but
it’s
wearing thin
like sobriety
after a few gins
like my wallet
after a few fins
a few nights
a few spills
But my cup ain’t milk
this career ain’t gravy
I got my Pete Rose up
I’m hustlin’ I’m gamblin’
My own big red machine
I mean
I got more on my team
But
I mean
I’m the one
who won’t quit
won’t spit...
We're Lucky
“We’re lucky”
you say
the glossy slick eyes
the half smile
“we are”
I trickle too
seeing you
hearing “We’re” from you
I had only heard “I’M Lucky”
“I” meaning the other
meaning not me
I (meaning me) always thought
I made my own luck
(I do)
But this time
We ARE fortunate
There will always be men who
turn...
2 tags
IMY (innumerable)
On Mondays(
such as today
)making us tacos
would postpone
the lead deposits
in my breast
the rabid mammal
in my chest
Instead I shall
eat alone
after working out alone
reflecting on
our three mile
Virginia
walk in the dark
I with new shoes
you, armed with flashlight
shower kisses
tonight I will bathe alone
if I bathe at all
2 tags
Shrugged
Saturday morning, working
the shoulders, realizing
how many more homosexuals
are at Pine Grove versus Roosevelt.
No canal stench this far north, only
a big stick carried loudly, poor
historical puns, and ache.
“Burden me!”
An eight year old author
(The eight year old author) said
to his reflection during a “weird attack” (a
combustion of inspirational hyperventilation).
By now I have...
September 2011
7 posts
2 tags
Untitled (coast to coast [won't coast])
D. Joseph was cold
D.C. humidity for Chicago’s cold rain
A stomach full of sandwich
A heart full of sand
I’m more into it than anybody
I am more into anything than anyone
One more day of Sunday football napping
Always five more minutes
Paradise for a moment
Pizza on the sofa
Almost
2 tags
Helpless Grade School Couplets
I wish you knew
how much I missed you
How I want your
picture on my desk
How convoluted
all my feelings are
How I just want your
cum on my chest
I wish I knew
the difference
between want and need
Give myself the approval
to need the things I want
I wish I could pick a spot
a place to stop
A wish is just a passive
opt-out of an active reality
With you out of arms reach
what do...
2 tags
Letter #3
Yeah I know you
probly sleeping
and I should probly
not be thinking
bout how I wanna
stop desiring
and start being desired
and it is times like these
that I forget
bein’ at the club
with my sleeves rolled up
moon’s out guns out
lights out hands out
crotch a magnet
face a magnet
getting face
like I’m on the A-Team
wait
I am the A-Team
I’m first string
but that’s not the thing...
3 tags
Add Add Addict
Every fucking night
in the laptop light
fucking around
lookin’ to top
yeah I got a boyfriend
but I can’t stop
addicted to the attention
I pay attention
to my habits
quit the habit?
not till
sister act three
whoopeEE
I’m an addict to the automatic
I’m addicted to the panic
I focus on the static
I am my own fanatic
I’m an addict to the panic
I’m addicted to the manic
I focus on...
Weed Killer
Some depression is so deep that flowery language cannot spruce it up. Between the work emails writing about soda bottle inflatables covered in corporate logos my mind wanders to parallel universes where between other work emails my mind wanders to parallel universes where my mind is focused on work emails regarding soda bottle inflatables covered in corporate logos.
My mind has long had...
My Most Depressing Meals
My most depressing meals are those eaten without you. Meager hunger, the naughty child playing with a pocket knife under his desk in the middle of class, twirling blade with tiny fingers, an expert hoodlum already, eager to be ignored, camps in my stomach; a place for prairie preservation and butterfly restoration, a quiet visitor in a turbulent landscape. The captain has turned on the “unbuckle...
2 tags
As you sleep
I type.
As you sleep
I write.
You twitch you snore
I snore, I drool, I jump, I
talk.
I am tired. I refuse to sleep.
When I wake, we’ll be gone.
The past two weeks will be past tense.
I cannot wait five weeks.
I won’t.
Wish I was less expressive.
Wish I didn’t always roll the dice.
August 2011
13 posts
2 tags
State of D. Joseph: August 31, 2011
I was going to write this letter yesterday, Tuesday, August 30, 2011. The first draft was in my mind, but washed away with my consciousness’s low tide as I drifted to sleep last night at 10 P.M. Central Standard Time.
Friends – I am happy. I am ecstatic! If I were a religious man, I would say I have been possessed by the Holy Ghost! Instead I am in the Exosphere where the air particles rarely...
It
Again, D. Joseph, deep space
spaced out, spaced rations
fantasy, Space-Man Spiff rationalizations
Space-Man spiff realizations
Bill Waterson compositions
1968: my father enjoyed Space Odyssey
I prefer Space Oddity
Regardless Regardless
turn the self destruct key
carry the football
not a president not a resident
residing on the day-side
of logic
“what are you doing Dave”...
2 tags
I am proud of you
Not just of your newest business opportunity
but of You (capital “Y”).
This is the poem I
want you to read, but
won’t show you (at least not for a few years).
You are the man I feel comfortable
to meet my parents
to meet acquaintances
co-workers
introduce as my boyfriend.
I am proud of you.
I’ve never told that
to a man before.
I don’t want to tell you...
2 tags
Weather Systems
Flying into a hurricane
after the earthquake
anticipating high water
anticipating a broken wagon axel
spakle the distance
with hopeful thinking
(wishful seems to
imply foolishness)
Don’t delay my arrival
but feel free to hold me
until Irene is done wailing
My sister is moving
my co-worker is moving
we say goodbye to him
at the Weather Mark
interesting coincidence?
Human...
3 tags
Chicago, you are beautiful. I love you.
And then
my hate turned to love
gushing, juicy, rippened love
holding hands on the bus love
kissing your same sex lover
at the airport kiss-n-ride
and not taking a side-long
glance
before locking lips love
The bic blackness in my left ventricle
pushed into my left atrium
just like the arrows in
junior high text books
with the doodles of farts
and fanged monsters
The bic blackness...
A "popular" newspaper comic about a heterosexual...
what IT (the comic’s title) really is …
talking about eating
choco tacos
naked in
bed
2 tags
Lunch Break
It was easy now its hard
like a cock just outside
your mouth
metaphors for metawhores
surging through circuit breakers
circuit promoters charging more
unparralled burning
like the gunsmoke intro
(you mean Bonanza)
from the center out
like I’m throwin’ grasshopper
(you mean cricket)
I can’t stop her
who?
fucking cupid that’s who
dude
yeah
dude, that’s...
Blurred
Red hot frustration
yeah, I built a frustration cart
it’s got a red umbrella
matches the colors of my cheeks
we don’t accept checks
yeah, I know your busy
and yeah, I know it’s only right now
but, you know, you only got right now
yeah I am being selfish
this is mostly my shit
less than a fortnight of endurance
more focus, less strain
more strechin’, less...
Requiem #2
Dirt cup:
dessert of children, stainer
of teeth - bury all of my sweet
cravings, or lend them
out on a permanent
basis.
Gum on worms.
Y tu?
Silence is blackened, charred.
Grill me.
Gum on tombs.
Grill me.
2 tags
Requiem #1
Everyone keeps saying
I get more and more handsome …
I feel as though
I AM becoming
more and more bright …
Despite all this
I am still alone every night …
The charming beauty
at the top of the staircase …
Every man sees her …
Every man’s desire …
After ejaculation they are better without. They
go back to their loveless marriage.
Known misery...
Longer Than I Have Known You
is how long we have to wait till we see
each other
again.
Longer than I have last eaten
is one eigth the number of times
I think about you in a day.
Longer than the list of texts
sent
is twenty percent of how
many I would like to send.
How much longer can I appear
to be sane? How much longer
will this wick be lit? Fucking
shit. I don’t want to quit.
In the batting box,...
2 tags
Started Reading Love Stories
I have started reading love stories
over the past twelve days. Not novels, mind
you, but stories on the Internet - stories
on Tumblr.
I read a story, just now, about a young girl,
in Chicago, marrying her husband at
the courthouse: her in a red dress, he in a
t-shirt.
She barely remembers the vows, she was crying,
smiling. They had know each other
in person for 30 days (Email and...
Kiddo
Voice
new
familar
tongue in ear
through chat client
goosebumps
new
unfamilar
raised perception,
awareness
clean sheet (to dirtied)
I need a cold shower
in the rainforest
pick out a bat (is it a fruit bat?)
for your house
this (new) one
won’t
bite
July 2011
3 posts
Last One
You know, they say when, you know (when) you
found the one
I thought, nah, no way, how could you know
there ain’t fate, you reap what you sow
cultivate what you grow
and my thumb, well it ain’t green
and when I drink, well I get a bit mean
and when I cruise, my eye get a lazy
it’s leash is long, at night I ain’t a lady
but maybe, I been coming at this all wrong...
Ontario (Thinking of You)
Still dry-mouthed despite all
the water. I still taste you
despite the past few hours. All
the cliches I want to write, I want
to say - just like our second date:
movie and sushi - I’d make our third
the same. It is not another country
or across the Atlantic - I’ve
done this before, but you have not.
More truthful concrete in this foundation
than I used before - I had been...
2 tags
Buncha X's
Laundry list of the good life
intoxication of the first drink
thrill of the first peek
balanced by a sleepless summer
night, sticky for exhausted reasons,
sticky for sexual reasons.
Laundry list in a different season.
Lawyer perspective: ain’t no one
asking, no one grillin’.
Alerts lighting up LEDs.
Anger lead me by the leash
round my neck, woven of seabirds
remembering...
June 2011
5 posts
Whiskey kind of night
,but only got
beer. Puttin’ the laundry
in whichever drawer
ain’t full. Teasin’ whichever
man ain’t full.
Hopin’ beer foam climbs
up my throat, shut
up these thoughts. Shut
up these cocks, with spurs
on their talons, ribbons in
their hair. Feathers in my
teeth, bacteria in my
urethra - my name is
John, pleased to meet
ya.
I only got beer, a list of...
Fix Your Hair Up Pretty
Crosswinds blowing through Nebraska
Sweat on a can of Miller Lite
Water of the night
Seen Louis
Made me laugh
Stitch up the sides
Where the stitches were
Folding my laundry on a Friday night
(but it is Saturday)
Missing the first
Father’s
day ever. Posts on Craigslist
filling the void, but
widening the gap
“do you ever get tired of
being the straight stereotype”?...
2 tags
Get Sad
Foggy pride by the lake - the aftermath
of loss of power on my block. Alone in
the dark (my brother is in New York) as hail
pounded my arms - frantic-
ly removing window unit from an
insect graveyard.
Calling long distance after I said goodnight
because I lost my wireless signal.
“They don’t have wifi in Chicago?”
Green sky yellow sky
Seussian comparisons
Lost my...